The World's Gone Quiet

All the thoughts in my head

Cruel

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You were the cruelest heart I had ever seen

You were black and blue, like the world had beaten you too

But unlike me, you let it harden your soul

You crumpled into yourself

Imploding into a lifeless black hole

Sucking in and ripping apart anything that got too close

And then spitting out shreds of something that was once complete

And I, seeing hope in something that was hopeless

I dived in headfirst, without hesitation

A foolish sacrifice in an attempt to save you

If only I had known

The destruction you were capable of

Beneath the calm demeanor and smile

I should have known

To turn around before getting caught

In the gravitational pull of your empty stare

I wish I had known

You never wanted to be saved.

-r.e.

Sensitive

“I’m sorry I’m too soft”

The first time I said those words I knew it was a mistake

They should have apologized to me

For allowing me to believe that having feelings was wrong

Or that my emotions were insignificant

And above all,

For making me feel too small,

Too delicate

To be loved.

-r.e.

 

 

 

 

My muse

You, my love, are my only muse left
Nothing else seems to inspire these words to bleed from my fingers anymore
Except for you
When my body feels drained of creativity
As if I’ve been locked in a purely white room for days
The simple memory of your smile
Or your color-changing eyes
Seem to cause my fingers to twitch in anticipation
And I have an undeniable need to sketch out your body with words
Because sometimes when I make feeble attempts to describe your kiss, your touch, your scent
I can almost feel your presence
My muse, all I ask of you
Is that you continue to rekindle the fire within me
Whenever you see me growing dim
Because without you, I will fade into the abyss of normality
Muse, I beg you
Help me to remember who I am
When I can’t control the storm in my head
And when I reach for the pills beside my bed
Please place a pen in my hand instead
Make me write until the clutter in my mind settles,
My tears run dry,
And I can breathe again.
-r.e.

 

Mother Earth

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I am a child of this Earth

But I do not feel worthy

What if my foot prints became scars upon the skin of my Mother?

I meant to tread lightly

And to treat my home with love and respect

This home that I do not deserve,

Yet She still so graciously gave to me

And even though I was born from this soil

I fear that when my time comes to lay back down on this Earth to rest

My Mother won’t accept me again.

-r.e.

 

Goodbye

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lost in a breath

a fleeting moment

a missed opportunity fading

with every retreating footstep.

-r.e.

Anxiety pt. 3

 

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In a silent bliss

I’m no longer drowning beneath the current

My body is floating without restraints

My mind at peace

Finally, the world has gone quiet.

-r.e.

 

Anxiety pt. 2

Wait until the screen goes blank

And you no longer see his face

Then you can tear off your mask,

Take a swig from the bottle on your desk,

Cry in the shower,

Curl up in a ball,

Rip at your hair,

Practice saying “I’m good”

Until your voice doesn’t choke on the lie anymore

And put your face back on

Because he’s calling again in an hour

So you have to make sure there isn’t a trace

Of the inner turmoil that you face.

-r.e.

Anxiety pt. 1

Every night is a constant battle to find the perfect balance

Between drinking enough to numb the brain

And losing myself completely

But either way

It’s better than waking up in a cold sweat,

Alone,

And only having me to reassure myself that everything will be alright.

-r.e.

 

Writer’s block

If only I had the vocabulary to explain the way I feel around you

Because the words that come to mind don’t give it justice

All I can think of are tired sayings that have lost meaning,

Because they were wasted on guys who didn’t want me

But being with you is unlike anything I’ve ever experienced

And to say that you give me butterflies in my stomach would be an understatement

It’s more like an atomic bomb in my chest

But that doesn’t sound poetic enough

So I lack the ability to express how I feel

I would’ve never imagined you would have this effect on me

Who would’ve thought you would be the one to leave the writer at a lose for words.

-r.e.

(Adiós)

 

Selfish

I can’t help but be selfish with you

Because I’ve waited so long for you to come back

But now that you’re finally here, all you want is to be somewhere else

And I know that this isn’t about me

But I can’t cover up the insecure girl inside

Who has the constant fear of being inadequate

So there’s a little part of me that feels like I am not enough to make you want to stay home

Like I, alone, am not enough to satisfy your wandering soul.

-r.e.