The World's Gone Quiet

All the thoughts in my head

Month: December, 2015

Sincerely, Alice

 

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I’m the girl who can’t let go

I’m the one who can’t say no

I’m the lost cause searching for redemption

I’m the broken soul falling back into temptation

I’m the star about to collapse

I’m the girl who gets picked last

I’m the optimist searching for hope

But I’m also the pessimist who can’t cope

I’m a ball of yarn that can’t unwind

I’m the rabbit running out of time

I’m a wandering soul yearning to roam

I’m a lost girl trying to find home.

-r.e.

(Photo by Casey K.)

The Demon

Screen Shot 2015-12-22 at 9.44.57 AMThe demon hovers over me and whispers,

“Let’s play a game,

Lean back and relax,

Put your head under the water,

And let’s see how long you last”

My bones ache

And I don’t protest

I sink back slowly into the cold

And I open my eyes when the water engulfs me

The pressure builds in my chest as I sink

When I look up, the demon is gone

And as I watch the bubbles float to the surface

I am left to wonder who the real monster is.

-r.e.

Ms. Q

Today I’m not posting a poem or a short story like I normally do because I was having a conversation with my dad that conjured up some pent-up emotions that I didn’t realize existed anymore. My dad and I were talking about my high school teachers and experiences. The most important part of high school for me was the plays and musicals that I performed in, acting kept me going. I started to talk about one of my high school directors who led the shows for two years, Ms. B. I didn’t get along with Ms. B, I don’t really know if anyone did. I had a problem with her because she would always talk about the kids in her acting classes like they were superior to the rest of us who only did the shows. I always found this particularly insulting because it wasn’t my fault I couldn’t take her acting classes in the first place, my honors schedule wouldn’t allow it. Another thing that bothered me was I didn’t doubt my acting skills, I am not cocky and I’m not an extremely confident person but I am confident in my acting capabilities. One day I sat down with her to tell her that the way she spoke to us, as though the kids in her acting classes were better, was insulting and hurtful. She looked me straight in the eye and said “Well, I’m sorry Rachel but it’s the truth. You will not compare to the kids in my acting classes. You can’t be as good as them.” I had never been so infuriated in my entire life. Her words stung and I still reflect on that conversation to this day.

Thankfully, the day came when Ms. B announced that she would be leaving us for another school and I didn’t shed a single tear. When school started back up, we had a new and young director who I will call “Ms. Q”. Ms. Q was spontaneous and cheerful, constantly lifting us up and encouraging us to be our best. In my senior year of high school, I got the role of my dreams, Lydia Lansing in Shakespeare in Hollywood. Lydia Lansing was a spunky, obnoxious actress who was trying to make it big. She was the comedic, leading-lady role I had always hoped for. While we were rehearsing in full costume during tech week, I noticed Ms. Q watching from the audience and snapping pictures of us on stage. I didn’t think anything of the pictures or wonder at all about what she was planning to do with them. Finally, the day of the first show arrived and I was beyond ecstatic and ready to perform. When we walked into the dressing room to get ready, there were little gift bags waiting for us at our tables. Inside of my gift bag was a magnet with a picture of me, as Lydia Lansing, decked out in a full-length, sparkly dress with the words “And though she be but little, she is fierce” printed on the picture. Ms. Q took the time out of tech week to take individual pictures of each member of the cast and tech crew. She made everyone magnets with their photo and an individualized Shakespeare quote that she believed resembled them the best. When I told my dad about all of this, I started to cry. This happened over a year ago and I can still get emotional about it today. Ms. Q gave me my confidence back after it had been severely damaged from two years with Ms. B.

I hope you took the time to read all of this because the message is very important. Show kindness to everyone, be encouraging and lift people up because you don’t know how badly they may need it. I know that I will meet plenty of amazing people in my life but no matter how many years pass or how many people come and go, I will always remember Ms. Q.

Love always,

Rachel Eroh

Wishes

6 years old

Eyes twinkling, reflecting the candles on the cake

Rosy cheeks and pudgy fingers

Dreaming, hopeful, young-naivety

“Make a wish sweetie”

I wish to be older, prettier, smarter.

 

18 years old

Eyes dark, cast down at her feet

Sunken cheeks and fingers twisted in her lap

Abused, exhausted, lost

“Make a wish sweetie”

I wish I could be young again.

-r.e.

My Theory

Where do you keep all the broken hearts that you stole?

Do the make you feel happy?

Do they make you feel whole?

I have a theory

That maybe you’re broken too

I think one day you saw all the pain you caused

Or maybe you always knew

But whichever the case, I think you feel lost

In a winding maze of mistakes

That maybe you forgot

There are people who’ve been next to you since day one

And love you despite the fact that you’re aiming at them

With your finger on the trigger of the gun

So stop firing at the ones who are there

Or else, before you know it

There will be no one left who will care.

-r.e.

Red and Blue

The boy covers his eyes from the sin

As he sits huddled in the corner

While noises and colors blur around him

He can’t hide from the mess

And he doesn’t fully understand

But his heart won’t stop pounding in his chest

The white walls of the house flash red, blue, red, blue, red, blue

Then they zip up the bag and take the body outside

Oh what did daddy do?

-r.e.

Under the Sheets

It’s all hugs and kisses beneath the comforter

But when she steps out of the covers,

She feels utterly alone

And as hard as she tries to deny it,

She knows it’s not love if it only exists under the sheets.

-r.e.

(Smile)

All they see is a happy girl

With a little grin that hides her demise

But what they don’t know about me

Is that I can’t open my mouth

Because if I do,

All the demons I’m keeping in

Will come crawling out.

-r.e.