The World's Gone Quiet

All the thoughts in my head

Month: September, 2015

Cheat

I’ve heard only faint whispers of the truth

Quiet, little voices that mock me and say “you’ve been lied to”

It wasn’t until I opened my eyes

That I saw past the fog that shrouded my mind

I thought my world would come crumbling down

But instead I felt empty,

My heart didn’t make a sound.

-r.e.

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Hold On

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She watched him die a little more everyday
Eventually they pulled the plug
They said it was the only way
Now her father is gone
And there is no one to wipe her tears
She’s felt alone for so long
And for that, she cuts deeper

He loves men the way he should love women
No matter what he does the feeling won’t leave
Even though he knows it’s a sin
Now his mother won’t look him in the eyes
And his old friends call him a fag
Fueling his anger he has grown to despise
And for that, he cuts deeper

She watches as they cry, worry and pray
Wondering where they went wrong with her brother
There’s nothing for her to say
They look right through her when she speaks
So she carries her burdens alone
Because they make promises to talk that they don’t keep
She continues to grow cold
Wondering where the happiness went
And wishing there was someone to hold
And for that, she cuts deeper

We can’t go around about our daily lives
As though nothing is wrong
While they silence their sorrows with knives
Maybe if we showed them the love they so desperately need
It could make a difference
Maybe it would stop their desire to bleed.

-r.e.

24-hour crisis hotline if you’re thinking about harming yourself: 1-800-273-TALK

Under

Sitting directly under the shower head

Letting the water trickle down my back

Creating paths on my body, leading towards the drain

And all I can do is watch each drop make its way to its doom

While my head is empty of thoughts,

My heart feels like a stone in my chest

And I just wish the pain would stop

I would rather feel nothing, and be like the water-

Slowly finding my way to sink down the drain too.

-r.e.

Now that You’re Gone

Now that you’re gone

The tears flow freely

And this room feels colder and less like home

Then in the darkness, I see your jacket

Your favorite one that you forgot about on my desk

I pick it up and put it on

Then I close my eyes and wrap my arms around myself

I try to imagine that you’re here, hugging me against your chest

And it’s almost painful to open my eyes again

Because I don’t want to admit that I’m alone.

-r.e.

Protect

I open my eyes to a bright room with warm colors and soft, inviting furniture. I stretch and notice the person lying next to me beneath the sheets. At first, all I see is a mess of light brown hair and I look closer to see a young, handsome face buried beneath. His face is tan and speckled with faint freckles across his nose. His lips are slightly parted as he exhales lightly, his cheek pressed against his pillow. He seems sweet and innocent. I’m sure any girl would be thrilled to take him home to her parents, but getting to know him is a risk I’m not willing to take. I slowly lift the sheets off of my body and search for my clothes that are scattered throughout the room. After I silently wiggle into my jeans I take one last look at the guy I’m leaving behind. I watch as his bare back rises and falls with each deep breath. My thoughts drift to the one question I always ask myself at moments like this, what if I stayed? I imagine myself crawling back into his bed and curling up with him until he wakes up. I picture him wrapping his arms around me and nuzzling his face into my neck. I could stay. Then I feel my body grow cold and rigid as I remember the last time I got my hopes up. My heart tightens at the memories that go through my mind without warning and without mercy. I shut my eyes and take a deep breath, trying to collect myself. Before my emotions can take over, I shake my head and walk out of the room, careful not to look back.

The sun brings me back to reality as I step outside and fish my keys out of my purse. My body begins to relax with each step I take. I unlock my car and slide into the seat. The leather burns my skin as I back out of the driveway and speed-off, the house disappearing in my rearview mirror.

“It’s better this way,” I reassure myself.

-r.e.